05.12.09
REVELATION(s) + Elmo
Yesterday was epic, to say the least. As a matter of fact, this entire weekend was EPIC.
Here is the uber-abbreviated version:
1. Someone essentially tells Sister that he likes another girl too and has been spending time with her.
2. She is disgusted and over him.
3. Today, Someone’s best friend, MD, tells us what happened.. Essentially, MD likes this girl named K, who MD was also involved with.
Ok, this isn’t working. Someone “likes” and is spending some time with the girl his best friend likes. Sister is disgusted by his behavior. There are far too many details to recount so instead I will simly give my perspective and present the outcome.
Sister and Someone had a falling out. She is no longer talking to him. Ironically enough, this plays perfectly into my plan. He’s upset with her and she loathes him and I look like the innocent confidant! YAY! I know. I know. It is horrible and manipulative which is probably why THE $608 DRESS that I got is not NEARLY as cute in person as it was on the website. UGH. Mom and I are going to return it shortly and buy this yellow gown I spotted two weeks ago. Hopefully it will fit– it’s a size smaller– but SPEAKING of weight! I HAVE LOST 10 pounds!!!!! YAY!! I am only75 pounds from my PERFECT weight!
I just realized that this post has been a cluster-fuck of information and is in no way, shape, or formed organized. Oh, well.
Things I have come to terms with:
1. Weight loss is possible once you have reached the mental-level of preperedness.
2. I am selfish, spoiled and manipulative but overall a good person who just wants to be loved and made to feel special.
3. I am happy with my body.
4. Someone is … annoying. He and I have yet to really have a talk and get it all out there in the air. We were close today but it was just.. ugh. He was going to kiss me, I could feel it, but then we just didn’t. I was not giving him any positive vibes, really, but then again, I’m not interested in kissing him.
5. I’m O V E R my Ex. Same shit, same issue different day.
Also, here is the comic relief to all of the drama/ ongoing Saga: Elmo
05.08.09
Maybe I’m selfish.
There really is no question about it: I can be very selfish at times. Maybe it’s the only child syndrome, I don’t know, but I am suddenly overwhelmed with a sense of selfishness. Remember the retail therapy post? The $608 dress? Well, it’s a heft price tag and I have other expenses. The fiscally responsible thing to do would be to find another, less expensive dress, right? That way I am less stressed, my mother and grandmother are less stressed, etc. But why do I feel unable to do so? It’s like.. I cannot let go of this one item I so desperately want and … kind of need. I can justify the dress a hundred times over but it feels so unfair when my mother has her own expenses and issues to deal with and so does my grandmother. Not only that, but MOTHER’S DAY is Sunday and what have I purchased? Nothing! because I spend all of my money at the Renaissance festival. I FEEL HORRIBLE. I talked to Mom about it but she, as usual, doesn’t want anything.
Not only do I feel selfish when it comes to purchasing new items, but sometimes I am selfish in relationships: always demanding to come first and on occasion I raise issues that were not even issues to begin with. Ah, well. The first step is to acknowledge that you have a problem and then work on it, which I am doing! 
Mental/Emotional status: Nearing 39%
P.S. I got The Dress
05.07.09
Retail therapy or perfect timing?
I AM SO HAPPY I WAS NOT AT WORK TODAY. I mean, things still suck between “Someone” and I because I feel like he knows that I know about HER. I asked him to explain his status and he said he “didn’t know” what it meant. Right. So, we’re being curt with each other but whatever, I’m getting over it. How, you may ask, after I spent the last 10 days venting about him? I shall enumerate below:
1. The Ex. He still loves me. I’ll love him more when he’s here. He has been so much sweeter. I remember now why I loved him. He’s funny, bright, hot, conversation is easy with him and it isn’t strained. I never have to ask him for his opinion– he gives it– whether you want it or not. Right now, things are good.
2. New dress. It’s P E R F E C T. But it’s $608.00. I am trying to cajole my grandmother into purchasing it for me. We will find out the verdict soon enough. I’m thinking its a 50/50 shot.
3. Impact of dress. “Someone” will shit himself. So will everyone else.
4. My voice is getting much better!
5. Just got off of the phone with the ex and he will be calling me back.
6. I realized that trying to follow my own advice is only minimally rewarding. Three days ago, “putting it into perspective” would have been advice I laughed at and probably would have said “HAH that’s the bullshit I spew to my friends.” But now, in the grande scheme of things, the perspective ain’t that bad. He’s leaving. She’s whatever. I’m going to take the LSAT.
6a. More pressing concerns: desperately need a summer job, might have to move. Thus, truly makes “Someone” less of a concern.
Reality: I am trying to ignore my feelings. Trying to mask the pestilent must with fragrant perfumes. I cannot deny that some of the moments we shared, and the things he said don’t stick.. that they do not resonate deeply because they do. I only hope that we can resolve things before he leaves.
Mental/Emotional status: Clmbing from 35%.
