05.30.09
Megga Bitch
So I recently took this Facebook quiz and I scored ‘Megga Bitch’ on it. The description was: “you chew people up and spit out the pieces you dont like!!.” Which is true, to a certain extent. Which is what leads to the fulcrum of this post..
I am a selfish, manipulative bitch. Part of me is, at least. ‘Someone’ and I even came to the mutual conclusion that we are both like Greek Gods observing mortals and their scandals on earth. I have, essentially, manipulated Sister into not talking to Someone and now she is involved with TWO of Someone’s friends. The plan is working flawlessly; however, there is always room for error. He called her again to try to be friends– she told me this and I essentially broke the happy bubbly and said it was a ploy. Which it is.. to .. some extent. I FEEL LIKE A HORRIBLE PERSON which is why when bad things happen to me, it feels like Karma. In all honesty, though, you cannot <i<make something happen if it doesn’t want to happen.. so it’s not ALL my fault.
In other news. Someone is gone, the Saga is essentially over but I could not even begin to recap the last few months which have felt more like Seasons on a reality television show than anything else. And I’m the executive producer who makes elusive cameos.
When not being a Megga Bitch, I moonlight as a nice, lonely, miserably single Ivy League grad itching to begin the next chapter in her life. While all of my friends are engaged or married, I have few local friends and spend my time working out and being a productive member of society. Today, as it does on so many days when I interact with large groups, I face the very hardening reality that: I am single and no one else is. There was “Beach” party in my condo building today and all of the residents were hanging out.. all of them with friends.. or their significant others.. neither of which I had. So, when I decided to leave, I came upstairs and cried on the phone to my Mom who couldn’t really talk. X is going to the movies with his mother and couldn’t talk so here I am. Again.
I suppose I could use this time to NOT be selfish and continue tinkering away at my epic to-do list.
05.06.09
Funny-house mirrors.
1) “Someone” tells me, in March, “I really like you. I know I’m leaving soon, but lets be together for 2 months and see where it goes.” = big deal for him.
2) May = weird things begin to happen. “Sister” tells him that she likes him and things turn tospy turvy.
3) All sorts of disastrous random things proceed to happen which I cannot begin to explain because I do not know them myself.
The Breaking News: HE tells me that SHE tried to kiss him. SHE tells me that HE tried to kiss her. If he did, in fact, try to kiss her, he is dead to me. There is nothing worse than a man, or person, who can so easily re-neg on a ‘contract.’ And this ‘contract’ of which I am referring to is the relationship contract. One where there is to be a mutual investment made and values/feelings respected.
Tonight, she tells me HE wants to talk in the morning about their mutual “liking.” Good thing I will not be at work tomorrow. Or Friday, for that matter.
So. How does this work? He wants to spend time with me, all the time.. but he likes HER and his ex and two other females? What is that? I am not so much hurt as pissed the FUCK off. How is it that you’re ‘dating’ me (secretly) but can openly admit to a mutual friend that you all both “like” each other? And now you try to KISS her? WHEN were you going to raise this issue with me? Anytime at all?
Quandary: What to do? If I confront him about it, he will be assured that SHE is telling me all of the things HE is saying which gives HIM an opportunity to tell HER not to talk to me about THEIR situation. = bad.
If I DO NOT confront him openly, the situation is free to lapse until he brings up. = Also bad.
First option has more friendship-breaking potential and is, in my opinion, the worst.
Tonight, via Gmail chat, I was short with him. After I did not respond to a question in a timely fashion, his Facebook status becomes something like “…I know I am short, but when they are short, it lasts longer and it makes me think I did something wrong to them.”
…WELL. Aren’t we intuitive!!! WhatEVER could have given you THAT inkling? Could it have been when you stopped putting up the cute status messages about us? Or maybe when you told me you had feelings for your ex and I said ‘maybe we should stop?” and you didn’t want to? Or *gasp* could it have been when SHE confessed that she liked you and I find out through HER that YOU tried to kiss her? SERIOUSLY!?
Worst case scenario: He decides that the two of THEM should be together. Even for long-distance. I would be even more furious. But what would make it difficult is seeing them together for the remaining weeks. And having to listen to her stories about him all the time.
It’s sad because… I’m not that into him. I like him, sure, but it’s the principal of the matter: you can’t date me then like someone else all of a sudden and say nothing about it. It’s disrespectful. Rude and completely inconsiderate.
I feel like my fragile little bubble is breaking– even if for just a few weeks. There is a knot in my tummy that I cannot get rid of and I feel myself tumbling into some mild state of depression. It’s like.. everything is upside down.. like I’m in a carnival house.. or a room of distorted mirrors and nothing is as it seems. In all of my manipulative-ness, could I be the one being manipulated? By him? Ultimately, he has the power to decide and I feel like it’s going to happen tomorrow.
..if things go the way I feel they are, I could, for the first time in my life, not end up on top. And that is no easy defeat to face.
06.26.08
For Goldblum, Earth girls ARE easy.
So the other night I watched the film Earth Girls are Easy and LOVED it! I had never been one of those 80s fanatics who think that everything 80s is just, the shiz; however, 80s films really DO rock! Say Anything, Revenge of the Nerds, Beverly Hills Cop, Coming to America, I mean, need I go on?! There is a quality about them that I can truly appreciate: lighthearted, fun, the sort of movies that take you on an emotional roller-coaster ride but don’t leave you with brain hemorrhages in the end. You know, not one of those Island of Adventure, Universal Studios roller coasters that drop you form 6 thousand feet and take you upside down. I can’t handle those. But I’m talking about something similar to the teacup ride, or bumper cars or even a water ride! Exhilarating, refreshing, something visceral that you can feel.. Of course there are plenty of other movies that I like but I’m going through a phase right now. Most notably, a Jeff Goldblum phase. I realize that he is my latest obsession. And really, how could he NOT be? The man is tall, JEWISH, hot, with amazing eyes and just.. so, so good looking. I had no idea he was such a cult favorite until I did my research. I love this man. I like Cusack too but Goldblum is hotter.
This clip is a favorite of mine. It truly encapsulates all that is Jeff but if I had the ability I would use the same song but incorporate more clips of him from other movies.
Oh. Jeff. MARRY ME.
More.
Mmm.
Earth Girls Clip
