Reality has settled. I am about to break off my three-month marriage. Is this what I want? Despite all of my frustration, anger, disappointment, will a divorce make me happy? Before I was so certain, but now, the reality that my life is going to change, again, has set in. My best friend and I have wrestled with the agony of single life for so many years but for the last two, I have been in a happy relationship and then engaged to be married. Now I am about to re-enter the dating realm.. but not now. I am not looking for a relationship, really.. but it would be a lie to say that I don’t ultimately want companionship. How unfortunate that things with my husband did not and will not work. Even the counselor said that we are “operating in two very different realities” which are, in essence, incompatible. I wanted this to be forever, I thought it would be and now it’s almost like starting from scratch. Yes, I will miss my husband, but what else can I do? I do not feel loved, appreciated, valued nor do I feel that he is making any effort to remedy things. The only comfort I have is that I have learned invaluable lessons and will certainly do things differently the next time around– if there will be a next time.
Sigh.
In the meantime, I will try to occupy myself by preparing the condo for law school: organizing everything, getting some boxes cleared out, visiting the school on Tuesday, checking out the new gym across the street.. there is plenty that I can throw myself into, but the reality is this is probably a more significant loss than I am willing to admit. Perhaps George Michael is not the best thing for me to be listening to presently? Maudlin music generally is not uplifting.
But what’s a girl to do save wrestle with these repressed feelings of an uncertain future. I’m frightened, but I am going to be as optimistic as possible.. because things happen for a reason, right?
Absolutely… and yes, it is a bit cliche… but it all does happen for a reason… and you (though I don’t know “you”) should feel loved! We all need that. Good luck, and nice writing style.