Bitter. Yes, I am, what can I say. I am bitter. I am still single and hating it. Loathing it, utterly. Romance has evaded me, love seems elusive and why? Sure, I could sit here and go on about how amazing I am, how I’m the perfect girlfriend, etc, but everyone must be their own judge. Me sitting here telling you all of the fabulous things about me is not going to accomplish much. At any rate, I was surfing random blogs today and stumbled upon one chronicling the life of this girl and her fiance. “OMG I WAS SO EXCITED!” was her response when she described his proposal. It would have been sweet had my stomach not turned out of disgust.

I equally despise romantic comedies. I find them utterly unrealistic, fanciful and annoying. Take Serendipity for example.. I mean.. really. REALLY. Come on, folks. Need I even go on? A sweater falling from the sky onto an ice skating rink? ???? Exactly. Of course there is some need for fantasy in entertainment because people, often (note: not everyone) use it (films, theatre, books, etc.) as forms of escapism. My girlfriends all LOVE romantic comedies and still i cannot wrap my head around the reason why.

1. HOW is it uplifting to watch the girl get the guy of her dreams?
2. HOW is it supposed to make me feel ANY better that she succeeded through all of these trials and tribulations, scaled the greatest mountain to find true love?
3. WHAT is her story going to do for me? Absolutely nothing. Some of my single girlfriends argue that “Oh, well, don’t you get it? It’s so sweet to see her happy..” and then I ask “Well WHY are you crying?” and they start ranting about how beautiful it was, how lucky she was, why-cant-I-find-a-guy-like-that?
4. HOW is this cathartic? It is depressing.

I know the definition of mimetic theory as well as the next lity. crit. freak but watching a sappy romantic comedy replete with uninspiring dialogue and the identical plot details is unfulfilling. In fact, it makes me feel even MORE empty– as if I were not already empty-feeling enough. In addition, this is the same reason why Internet romance is equally dissatisfying. Sure, you can meet some great people, maybe even the guy/girl of your dreams but *gasp* guess what!! They are not physically there thus it is unsatisfying. Perhaps I’m an anomoly in that respect, but I need someone to be near me to feel complete. What is the point of chatting and conversing on the phone while only being able to entertain the conditional tense of “IF this person were here we would..” “When I meet this person we may..”

See where I’m going with this? Not that I am not guilty of having an AOL boyfriend or five, and it was fun, but ultimately unrewarding. As a mater of fact, there is a new AOBoyfriend that I’m talking to who is fantastic! I think I could be in love with him; this, however, does not stop me from being dissatisfied seeing as how said boy is a) not here b) cannot cuddle with me and so forth. Instead, I’m stuck with the idiot 4th year medical student who keeps calling me in a vain attempt to get me in bed which I have already explicitly told him I will not be doing. Dense, much? Honestly, it’s not wonder I lose interest so quickly.

The whole romance thing is entirely nauseating.

Sure, I can fess up to the fact that I am bitter and cold and whatever other adjective and labels people would like to throw my way. Because in truth, you may be right! I, however, am also completely capable of admitting that once (if) I find this elusive “true love” I will be able to enjoy romantic comedies– sparingly, because then, at least, i will have a nice, large, muscular arm to cry on.